Divorce can naturally be a source of significant conflict between partners, often revolving around how they will address key issues. How will they divide custody of their children? How should they split their assets? Couples may have very different perspectives on these matters.
Some of this conflict may arise because one person wants a divorce while the other is adamantly opposed. In extreme situations, the person opposed to the divorce may decide to ignore the process entirely. They might refuse to sign the divorce petition, skip hearings or court dates, and believe that their lack of cooperation will prevent the divorce from happening.
Virginia’s Separation Period Still Applies
Refusal to sign doesn’t pause or extend Virginia’s required separation period — but it’s worth knowing it going in. Generally, you must be separated for six months before filing if you have no minor children and have a signed separation agreement, or twelve months if you have minor children or are filing on fault-based grounds. An uncooperative spouse won’t shorten or extend this waiting period; it runs from your date of separation regardless of when — or whether — they respond to the paperwork.
You can still get a divorce
The truth is that you can still obtain a divorce, even if your spouse refuses to cooperate or ignores the petition. Under Virginia law , once you serve your spouse with the divorce papers, they have 21 days to respond. You are required to wait approximately three weeks to allow them to answer the petition, even if they have made it clear that they won’t.
If your spouse never responds, you can move forward with a default divorce through the court. In this process, the court can officially end your marriage, divide property and determine child custody—entirely without your spouse’s input. Their participation is not required to finalize the divorce.
What “Signing” Actually Refers To
A lot of the confusion behind this question comes from the word “sign.” Your spouse is never required to sign anything for your divorce to proceed. There are three separate documents people usually mean when they talk about a spouse “refusing to sign,” and each has a different consequence:
- Acceptance of Service — a voluntary form your spouse can sign before a notary confirming they received the divorce paperwork. Signing it is optional and simply skips the cost and delay of formal service.
- An Answer to the Complaint — the formal response your spouse’s attorney would file with the court. Refusing to file one does not stop the case; it opens the door to a default divorce.
- A Marital Settlement Agreement — the document dividing property, debt, custody, and support by agreement. Refusing to sign this doesn’t block the divorce itself, but it does mean a judge — not the two of you — will decide those terms.
How You Serve Divorce Papers on an Uncooperative Spouse
If your spouse won’t sign an Acceptance of Service, Virginia law still gives you a path forward under Va. Code § 20-99.2. Service is typically attempted in this order:
- Personal service — a sheriff’s deputy or private process server hands the paperwork directly to your spouse.
- Substituted service — if personal delivery isn’t possible, the papers can be left at your spouse’s usual place of residence with a member of their household who is old enough to understand what they’re receiving.
- Order of publication — used only when your spouse can’t be located after a documented, good-faith attempt to find them (see below).
Once your spouse is properly served by any of these methods, the 21-day response clock starts running, whether or not they ever open the envelope.
What If You Can’t Locate Your Spouse at All?
If you don’t know where your spouse is living, personal and substituted service aren’t possible, and the court will require proof that you made a genuine effort to find them — checking last known addresses, contacting relatives, searching public records — before allowing service by publication (a legal notice run in a newspaper circulated where your spouse was last known to live). Publication adds time and cost to a divorce, so it’s treated as a last resort, not a shortcut around an uncooperative spouse.
Contested vs. Uncontested: How Refusal Changes Your Case
A spouse’s refusal to cooperate doesn’t automatically make a divorce “contested” in the legal sense — it depends on whether they ever respond. If your spouse is properly served and simply never answers or appears, Virginia law allows the case to proceed on affidavit or deposition evidence without a contested hearing, which can actually keep a no-fault case moving on a relatively predictable timeline. If your spouse does respond and disputes the grounds, custody, or property division, the case becomes contested and will typically take longer and cost more, since it moves toward hearings and possibly trial.
Be prepared for complications
While it is possible to move forward without your spouse’s cooperation, this type of high-conflict divorce can be more complicated than one where both parties engage in the process. It’s crucial to understand your legal options and ensure you’re well-prepared for the challenges that may arise.
What a Default Divorce Actually Decides
When a court grants a default divorce because your spouse never responded, it isn’t only ending the marriage — the judge can also:
- Divide marital property and debt based on the evidence and proposal you present
- Establish legal and physical custody and a parenting time schedule
- Set child support and, where applicable, spousal support
Because your spouse isn’t there to object, it’s especially important that what you present to the court — property values, proposed custody arrangements, support calculations — is accurate and well-documented. An attorney can help make sure the default judgment reflects a fair and enforceable outcome rather than something that gets challenged later.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can My Spouse Stop Our Divorce By Refusing To Sign?
No. Virginia does not require both spouses to agree to end a marriage. Once you file and properly serve your spouse, the court can grant the divorce regardless of whether they sign anything or participate at all.
What Happens If My Spouse Ignores The Divorce Papers Completely?
If your spouse is properly served and doesn’t respond within 21 days, you can ask the court to enter a default divorce. The court can grant the divorce and rule on property, custody, and support based on the evidence you provide.
Do I Need My Spouse’s Signature To File For Divorce In Virginia?
No. You only need your own signature to file the initial complaint. Your spouse’s signature is never required to start or finalize a divorce — only to voluntarily simplify service or agree to settlement terms.
How Long Does My Spouse Have To Respond After Being Served?
21 days from the date of proper service. If that deadline passes without a response, you can move forward with a default divorce.
Is A Divorce Automatically Contested If My Spouse Won’t Sign?
Not necessarily. If your spouse is served and simply doesn’t respond, the case can proceed on a no-fault, uncontested-style track using affidavit or deposition evidence. It only becomes contested in the fuller sense if your spouse actively disputes the grounds, custody, or property division.
What If I Don’t Know Where My Spouse Currently Lives?
After documenting a genuine effort to locate them, Virginia courts allow service by publication — a legal notice published where your spouse was last known to reside. This takes longer and costs more than personal service, so it’s used only when other methods aren’t possible.
Can A Default Divorce Decide Custody And Property Division Too?
Yes. A default divorce in Virginia isn’t limited to ending the marriage — the court can also divide marital property and debt, establish custody and parenting time, and set child or spousal support, even without your spouse’s participation.
If your spouse is refusing to cooperate with your Virginia divorce, an experienced family law attorney can help you get the paperwork served correctly, keep your case on the fastest available track, and protect your interests if the court moves forward without your spouse’s input.
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